becoming mommy

it happens

in that first moment

when you are still you

when who you are is all your own

it happens

slowly

without really noticing

you give yourself away

 it happens

bit by bit

and you find that you don’t mind

it happens

each thing relinquished seems frivolous

 a wisp  of something floating in the wind

it happens

  it consumes you, swallows you whole, takes up your space, your air, your everything

your circle widens

your compass changes

it happens

 your senses expand

alive, tingling

so full of everything

it happens

Becoming Nobody

They came hurling at her. Over and over. Flinching, she felt each one enter her, bursting with pain.

“Words will never hurt us”.

They lodged themselves in places she would never reach. Relentless. They came and came.

“Words will never hurt us”.

Cracked wide open, she felt her light slowly leaving her. Fading and fading.

“Words will never hurt us”.

Until there was nothing of her left. Empty of all she was to be. Until she was nobody.

“Words will never hurt us”…………………….

The Space Between

Many years ago, my life was in a much different spot than it is today.  Let’s just say, it wasn’t my best time and leave it at that.  I remember those days of waking up after a fitful sleep and for just one heartbeat, maybe two, I would forget where my life was and I would experience a momentary reprieve.  I used to call this time the space between. That moment between sleep and wakefulness where your mind is open and blank.  Recently, my friend who has terminal cancer described this very same thing to me.  That moment each morning when she forgets that she is dying.  She too called it the space between.  I wrote this for her and for me…..

The Space Between

The wisps of the dream were gauzy and light.  Flitting, dancing around the edges of conscious.  Bliss and peace and calm and goodness and breathing…Grace and floating and light and freedom…and breathing, and breathing…Just a heartbeat, maybe two. A small space between here and there.  Just a heartbeat and then there was here.  It had been sitting quietly in the corner allowing this moment.  But it had no intention of being still.  It never did. She tried to hold on, to tighten her grasp. But this was bigger, so much bigger.  Breathe…And there it was. Crashing and storming and blinding and hot. There it was.  There it was.